It was only a kiss, how did it end up like this? It was only a kiss (it was only a kiss)
Hey guys, what's up? Had a bum weekend. I just discovered this girl I'd been dating, the one I met in AP Physics class, is actually the bastard daughter of the father of my surrogate mother's son. What a coincidence, huh? And I thought things couldn't get any weirder after coming back from doing construction work in Chino to be with my ex-girlfriend whom I knocked up at the end of spring.
Apparently, they gave me a personality transplant over the summer, because now I'm zinging out one-liners like I'm Chandler Bing, after I groaned and grunted my way through all of last year.
Speaking of last year, things have been getting worse for my other ex-girlfriend. Even I'm beginning to see that she doesn't have any redeeming value whatsoever except for her nice rack. All summer she'd been getting drunk, fucking the gardener, and doing her best Kelly Taylor impersonation at every party. Next thing you know, she's turning into a lesbian. I'm glad I don't have to deal with her shit anymore.
Oh and my surrogate parents' nerdy son? Yes, I've seen the way he looks at me, and yes, it's been creeping me out. And yet, he's hooked up with the two hottest chicks I've seen in my life. Beats me.
Anyway, he spent the early part of the school year trying to win back his ex-girlfriend, only to realize that even though she's still totally into him, she doesn't want to take him back because her new boyfriend is so much like him, so he hooked up with this really really really hot chick who's into girl-on-girl action and owns The Bait Shop. It's our new hangout, the best bar in all of America. Imagine, bands like The Killers and Modest Mouse play there every week, and yet it's never full, no one cards you at the door, and you never have to shout at the top of your lungs to carry on a conversation.
Oh wait a minute, that wasn't my
life. I've been watching nothing but The OC
all weekend, after I discovered last Saturday that someone had the episodes from season 2 here at the office. I could write 3,000 more words on the topic (none of which would make me not look gay), so I guess I'll just say this: Chrismukkah came early for me this year.